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A Realistic Cleaning Schedule to Crush Your Cleaning Goals

A Realistic Cleaning Schedule to Crush Your Cleaning Goals

Based on your unique personality, plus a printable schedule.

When it comes to cleaning, we’re guessing you generally fall into one of two categories. You’re either really into it and try to make time for it every day or you’ve made friends with clutter and mess.

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Put another way, you’re either Larry or Balki. So we thought to ourselves, what better way to honor you and your unique approach to cleaning than with a cleaning schedule customized to your precise personality?

One way to do this would have been to build a Back-to-the-Future-style apparatus from which we could algorithmically calculate your cleaning type based on brand preferences, buying habits, water and electric usage, and relationship with your mother.

But then we thought it’d be easier just to have you answer this question:

How often do you think about cleaning?

A) Once a day or more
B) Once a month or less

If you answered A, see Cleaning Schedule A. If you answered B, see Cleaning Schedule B.

Cleaning schedule A

Once a day or more, huh? You’re probably also the kind of person who limits your television time and remembers to have the mail stopped when you leave town. We see you. You deserve a cleaning schedule that supports your get-err-done attitude, while giving you permission to take intermittent breaks for pizza.

Daily:

Pick up extraneous objects chucked on the floor by other careless housemates
Wash dishes immediately after use
Launder clothes and resent the people who wear more than one outfit a day
Wipe handprints off the TV
Clean unidentifiable food smudges off tablet screens
Collect and organize kid toys, if you got ‘em
Wipe countertops, stand back in the light to admire your work, see more splatters, wipe again
Make beds and consider throwing out all your decorative pillows
Fold throw blankets into pleasing shapes and drape them artistically over pieces of furniture
Clean stovetops and wonder how oil got all over every single knob
Fluff and organize throw pillows, but know that they’ll be disrupted again at any moment
Wipe out broccoli explosion in the microwave
Wash out pet food bowls
Close all the closet and pantry doors that have been haphazardly left open by housemates who want you to slowly go insane

Weekly:

Dust your blinds with a Swiffer Duster
Avoid standing on something you’re not certain will hold your weight and dust your light fixtures by using a Swiffer Super Extender (tip: It extends up to 6 feet!)
Wipe down your baseboards and become baffled about how much hair your family members have lost
Clean the fridge drawers, making sure to drain the river of liquid underneath your rotting vegetables
Vacuum the whole house

Monthly:

Scrub shower walls
Have three cups of coffee and vacuum your drapes and fabric shades
Freshen your garbage disposal drain first by vowing to use a heavy-duty solution, but compromising by throwing a lemon wedge down there
Clean your oven interior

Yearly:

Beg someone to help you move your furniture so you can clean behind and under it
Remove scuff marks on walls and baseboards with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser
Clean your dryer duct because that’s a thing
Clean your gutters (or hire someone else to do it)
Wash all your window screens

Click here to download your personal cleaning schedule

Cleaning schedule B

Gotcha. Your passion for cleaning falls somewhere between rolling quarters and untangling jewelry. We’re here to put the pep in your step with a completely attainable cleaning schedule that will—and we don’t want to overstate this—change your life. Once you organize your cleaning efforts into small but deliberate bursts of activity, you’ll see how quickly clean can be a part of your new routine.